i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
17 year olds will be the death of me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Your penis caused this!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
