I accidentally had phone sex last night
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
