You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
