My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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