i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
