the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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