Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
