"it" just moved
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
