WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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