dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Im part way to drunk.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
