dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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