When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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