I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
