It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
