Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
