When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
