Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
