she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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