Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
