So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
