she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
50% drunk capacity currently
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
