Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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