Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
