Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he shaved USA in his pubs
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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