My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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