we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
