took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
