Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
