If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
