Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ketchup is God's man juice
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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