Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
