I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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