As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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