there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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