My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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