Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
