ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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