he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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