Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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