this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
