On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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