their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
