So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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