Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
