I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
