do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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