I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
