Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
