If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
