All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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