so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
