Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
